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July 22 Hate MeDreaming in Reality
(a song by Megan and Ryan)
Like smoke stains on the water Your life stained on my heart A swirling sea of turmoil; A child destined to fall apart
.... And again he cries...
Good-bye to you One last day to live I gave you my all But you gave me the slip So long for now My eyes are what cry In the middle of it all My heart dies.
.... And again he cries....
As the years flew by He began to feel The all-consuming hate Of a teen who couldn’t deal His love he found And his love he lost Nothing in his life ever felt real
.... And again he cries...
Good-bye to you One last day to live I gave you my all But you gave me the slip So long for now My eyes are what cry In the middle of it all My heart dies.
.... And again he cries....
Every day is always the same He lost the will to live Just another boring routine His life was no longer his to give Swirling in a sea of nothingness He can’t take it anymore He’s leaving this world behind He’s closing one last door
.... And again he cries...
Good-bye to you One last day to live I gave you my all But you gave me the slip So long for now My eyes are what cry In the middle of it all My heart dies.
.... And again he cries.... …. And again he cries…. July 19, 2006
I hope you all enjoy and when the song comes out on the radio you can say you read it first! May 18 I'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of Mine herethis is a poem by me and Ryan Shadows of Yesterday If everything in the world was good not bad,how would I feel if I coudln't feel sad? Would the days be better or would they still haunt my nights? Would I except it all or would I put up a fight? All my worst dreams seem to ahve come true. The evil of this world is unleashed, what will I do? Do I stand up and shout or do I give into what they want? my enemies prowl; they tease and they taunt. It all hurts, the pain oh my god, it hurts really bad, why did I do it? now I have lost all that I had. All the smack that you talked, was a stab in the heart, our friendship was like a hammer on glass; it all fell apart. I'm lost without you, the pain is all I feel. I have to get away to a place more sureal. The memories of us force me to see, everything in life I never want to be. We all started out the best of friends and more, but one little mistake and you gave me the boot out the door. So I expanded my horizons to as far as the eye can see, and what I found was a shock; I found the real me. So I said good bye to you at last. you are part of me no more, I left you in my past. Now I'm shining like a star. I surpassed your expectations by far. I know it was a shock to you, a big slap in the face, but I will keep on running for the gold in this life long race. I will show you in the end how you hurt us more than you know. I can't believe the people we loved would sink so low. You were stuck in your own ways. you coudln't see past your own thoughts. Your self image was all you cold see in your little box. So you decided to take a trip, you took a little fall. You tried to take me down, but I was stronger than you all. But you coudln't stop, you just had to keep going on and on, you woudln't shut up from dusk til dawn. you keep fighting; punch left, punch right. If you keep fighting, I'll give you a punch with all my might. Knocking you out, I take you down for the count. For everything you said, it was you who could never amount. You never came to anything and I was the one who made it to the top, despite all the blows you gave; it was me you were unable to stop. So we will keep fighting, we will fight for whoever, whatever; anyone and everyone. We won't stop, not ever; never. No matter how hard you may try, we will try harder than you, cause it doesn't matter, we won't stop. So bring it on, what are you going to do? Sorry i didn't put it in verse, but still you get the gooness of it! that was written 5-17-06 from 10:43pm-12:28am. It was a good time!! May 13 Hold On To MeHello Hello! I figured I would catch everybody up on what's been going on. Well first of all my first prom pic is up under Megot and Ryno so you should all check that out and leave a comment. As soon as I find my connector i will be able to Put the rest of them up. Well, our schools graduation is coming up which means some of my good friends are leaving me behind. I will be extemely sad when they go, but happy that they are finally able to get out of this icky town. And then my friend John is graduating and he is leaving for the Army the first week in june which makes me sad becuase I will miss him alot. but all this means that I am almost a senior, which means I'm almost ou tof this place and away from these people. I have finally made a decision about where I'm going to college and it is in Colorado, i just don't know what school. I also made yearbook for next year as a writer so everyone will remember me and know my mad writing skills. I'm excited. I got a job, but I hate it and am looking for a new one, but in this town will be less likely to find a new one. Ryan is running for student body president and I have been busy helping him with it. He is running against Eddie, they don't like each other so, ya it's kind of this major thing. They give their speeches Wednesday and then we vote. Ryan's speech is really good and I can't wait until he makes President, cuase i think he will. Summer is almost here and finals are looming before me for next week. My chemistry final I have to pass with at least a C so ya it's gonna be hard. But my brain has already checked out for the summer so I'm in BLEH mode during school, and can't wait to get out. But that is all I really ahve to say. So Ya. I'm gonna go now.
LataZ,
the McBradley May 02 Grease LightningHello world!! I was grounded for a while for skipping class but i'm back now and I feel fine. Well right now I feel fine. I went to Ryan's Grease play practice tonight and I finally got to meet Adrian, she is so cool and we have alot in common! It was fun to watch everybody in character and dance and sing and everything it just rocked! There was guy there that I guess was totally hitting on me but I didnt even notice, but still he was hitting on me and that just makes me feel whats the word, oh right...HOTT!! Of course I'm hott, but it's nice to be reminded occasionally of it! I have tardy detention tomorrow and I'm in trouble for that cuase they sent out a thing in the mail and my mom is disappointed and is kinda angry with me right now and I hope I don't get grounded again cuase it's like solitary confinement out here in BFE! I guess I had a good day for the most part I just wish everyday would end with me feeling so great! I really can't wait to see Grease when they are all dolled up in there costumes and what not cuase that would just add to the effect, plus that 50s look is so hott, well the rebel type anyway. I swear I was born in the wrong era (thats not the laundry detergent although that would be really funny). I suppose i should tell you all that I applied for a newspaper position on our school paper and am waiting to find out if I made it or not. I really hope I did cuase i LOVE to write and most people don't know that I can actually write quite well when I want to, which isn't usually on here. This is pretty long (unlike the 7 inch shlong) (that one was for you) I'm out like fishes also known as trout.
The McBradley with Cheese
Solar Power
Margot
Meg
You know just pick a name and roll iwth it and it's mine April 23 I Got Chills They're Multiplyin...Last night was prom night. It was really fun! OK so the dance was just like any other dance, although I did get a dedication to me, Made by Ryan, playing our song "Don't Take the Girl" And we got pics taken which will be up when I get them and more pics will be up too. The banquet was fun too, thankfully I got put at a table with friends and a bunch of my friends were at the table right next to mine so that was fun too. After prom was pretty cool, it was a casino night and i played Hold em and I was doing really well winning lots of money and then Ryan came to my table and was all bullying me and what not so I went all in on a pair of tens and Ryan called with a Q, 2, (who calls with somethignl ike that) and a Q came on the river and i lost I was so mad. But I got some stuff at the auction, 2 things me and Ryan are sharing, but he bought me a fountain candle thingy, which is totally cool! And after after prom I went to Ryan's for breakfast and I had pancakes and coffee, and we went downstairs adn all of us were hanging out, playin pool, half asleep, just messin around. And we got into a tickeling fight (that was sooo fun) and it was just fun. Ya know, I think all this stuff you can't really explain to anybody. Becuase when you explain it it just doesn't do it any justice and they really don't understand why it was fun or how in the world that would make you laugh or wahtever. I think that all of last night/this morning is just something you would really have to experience for yourself. And I hope all of you have or will cause it's great. But i still have to figure out how I'm gonna make it through school tomally without falling asleep. Hope ya'll have a great week.
Solar Power April 13 If Tomorrow Never ComesOK, so today and yesterday. Ya. Lets just say one of my really good friends is really hurting right now and I wish that there was something I could do for her to help, but I know I can't. I've never been through that and i don't know what she is feeling. All I can do is just be there for her. And hope it will all be ok. Well this happening made me thik about death alot. I'm not afraid to die. It doesn't scare, but I am afraid of never finding my true love. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do all those things I have planned for my life. I would like to tell all of you that read my blog, not that I know all of you, but I love you all. You all have effected my life in some way and I thank you very much. You are all great people and you deserve the best you could ever get in life.
I want to say how much I wish I understood everything that has happened, especially in the past month. I don't understand and I probably never will. But I know that some things in life are just meant to be. Something things in life just aren't. Sometimes you aren't suppose to know why or how or where or when you are just suppose to be. I do wish that I could be much more for people, I wish that some people would understand why I can't. I'm the type of person that will never open up to anybody, becuase that way I'm never vulnerable, and I can't get hurt. I made that mistake twice. With the same person. And it won't happen again. I can promise you that. With all the things you said and all the things you promised or said we'd do together, I guess I just got too involved. Now you are single and looking which is funny because you told me that there is really no point in a relationship when you are leaving in a year anyway. This blog is not meant to bash anybody so I will continue on with my point.
I would like to think that I have alot of friends, but i don't. I don't let enough people in to ever get close enough to be my friend. But in my head I don't need them. I don't need anybody. In my mind I would rather be by myself. But the truth is I know I do, it's just a little harder for me to admit that I would need somebody else. I don't want to have to need somebody else, becuase i don't want to have to think I depend on somebody to be there for me, and I don't want them to ever feel like they have to be. There are only a very select few people that I know I can't live without, but I never do tell them who they are. Some people You just can't help to love no matter how hard you try not to.
So I guess the point of this blog is to do something I wouldn't ever do, and that is to tell you all how I feel about you and about them. I love You. Thank you for all you do. And I'm sorry that I don't tell you more often.
Love
Megan April 05 Our Lives Just Won't Stop Slipping..Shakin Not Stirred But Completely coated with
"The Good Stuff"
(3-28-06)
NOt sure of the day we met, not quite sure that I won't forget.
But I know all the times with you I could never regret.
Friends fromt he beginning and friends to the end.
The good times are near, just around the bend.
When troubled times are the only thing near.
WHen all our words seem so unclear.
We lean on each other, we make it through.
After all thats what best friends do.
MOre bumps and bruises with you I've endured.
Many more laughs and inside jokes have been the cure.
Some things just take more time,
but me and you we'll be just fine.
We're the kind of people that just seem to click.
Our friendship is the kind that just seems to last,
the kind that just sticks.
So when you've hit the edge and you begin to fall
remember I'll always be here;
pick up the phone and call.
Oh my gosh!! It is so great to be back on the computer becuase it has been gone and the phone has been gone and I thought I was gonna die!! SO WOOT! WEll, I guess things are going great, well not great but much better I guess. Things are still a little weird, but it will be that way for a while. I think I'm gonna go. LataZ.
Meg March 29 Riot GirlWell, it's really amazing how one day you can be extremely happy and then the next day be the complete polar oppisite. Monday was great, i had one of the best days I've had in a long time. But Tuesday was a major downfall. Ryan brok up with me. Too long and what not to explain on here. But it's over. I guess if he's happy (his name says he his) then it's a good. I'll need a lil time, but i know i'll find somebody new. Today was better, a lil sad at a couple of times, but it really was ok. We decided not to go to prom together. He's taking one of our good friends named Megan (ya i know) and I'm gonna try and find a date, I might take Tanner becuase I told him I would a long time ago, we'll just see what happens. I'm not worried. I've gone stag many times before. I reread the Perks of Being a Wallflower, again, still just as good the third and fourth times, i think i'm gonna read certain parts of it again today, but only certain parts because other parts will just make me feel bad. YAY for half days of school!! Friday jazz band goes to Kansas City to play in a compitition I'm excited, and saturday is regionals and the choir has a small girls ensamble going and then my trio is playing and I'm a lil nervous. Well, thats all so ill leave some quotes for you from a few different places. But i'm gone. LataZ.
Perks of Being a Wallflower
"I Don't know what it was, and I know we didn't really accomplish anything, but it felt great to sit there and talk about our place in things."
"I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. ANd we can try to feel ok about them."
On Running Away
"I am nonetheless certain that whoever I am is whatever my memories have made me; that I am becoming whatever I can find out about myself."
"We were seeing life. Unfortunately, it only too closely resembled the one we had left."
"..they are at least better than the chances of those who stay at home, placidly accepting patterns they never made, or chose."
I wrote a new poem i'll post it some other time. LataZ
McBradley with Cheese March 26 ..Our Hearts Littering the TopsoilHey everybody today is Sunday the last official day of Spring Break! I'm so sad! School starts tomally and i have no idea which classes i have and I don't get to see any of those kids I've seen all week and I'm gonna miss them alot. But I'm talking on the phone with Ryan which makes it ok. And today is Derek my almost bro in laws b-day and so we're spending time with him and watching the race that still has 160 laps left. But I didn't get to go to church today so it kinda feels like Saturday. Oh ya friday was the last day of VBS so the kids had their little show thing to show their parents what they've done all week, and then we had ice cream, and everybody was all like come back here soon so it won't be a year before we see you again. And I got lots of hugs and everything. I really will miss them. Especially next week when I have the VBS songs stuck in my head and I'm singing them down the hallway at school. Thats all I really have to say. So I hope you all have a great week.
LataZ.
Slice n Dice
PS- that is my new nickname that I got this week from John March 21 You Need that Boy Like a Bowling Ball Dropped On Your Head....Which means not at all.....
Ok My friend Leanne made me a Spring Break mix CD, I find extremely good and can't stop listening to it, becuase It has great freakin songs on it. ONe of these songs is called Bowling Ball, which i really like, but the first time she ever played that song for me was after me and Ryan broke up in September and I was having trouble getting over him (not that that matters now considering we're dating again) but thats what the title of this blog is from and the full version of Princess and Frogs also which she played for me at the same time as the other one. She also put Grease songs on there, well, in JH when we were getting ready for one of our dances me and Leanne started singing and dancing to the Grease soundtrack and it was so fun becuase we didn't care if we sounded terrible or if we looked stupid it was just so fun to do. Play that Funky Music is the first song on the CD, which is a pep tune so has soo many more memories than any song should. Jesus Freak and What if I Stumble, by DC Talk, which are freakin AWSOME songs by themselves, but are really fun to sing with other people (especially Jesus Freak) But there are alot more good songs on there, but these ones we just had memories to. It was a nice suprise when I got in the mail and i was happy, cause usually the only one who makes me mix CDs is Ryan (totally not complaing about that). But VBS at my church is going extremly well! The kids of course are a lil crazy but who can blame, they are so fun and adorable! And all my old friends from last year are back and I get to spoil them and have fun with them. I really wouldn't trade this week with them for anything. Alot of my friends are in other states doing something like boarding or tanning in cancoon or with their family, but no matter how great their vacations are, I'd rather be with those kids. I get to leave an impression with them and maybe change their life and that means more than anything. Plus they remind me what being a kid is all about and trust me it's freakin fun! Well, I'm gonna go now. Hope you are having as good a week as I am!
LataZ and Love
Meg
PS- It snowed!! Which is kinda ironic becuase the them for VBS this year is "Arctic Edge" I think God sent us a lil magic! March 16 My Insecurities Could Eat Me Alive....Hello everybody sorry it's been so long since I last wrote but I've been quite busy and the computer got worked on for a little while, so sorry. But today was a really good day for parts and a fairly poor day for other parts. Well, my really really good friend Benny came back to visit, he left for Colorado a long while back but now lives in Oklahoma, but he came back on his spring break to visit all his old friends, it made me so happy to see him again. He came to our concert on Monday, and he thought we were really good! It was great we hugged so many times and we talked like he never left. I really do miss him. But he came and followed AManda around as a visitor today, so I had him in my first hour class, which was spanish, but we were making food so it was all good. It was great cuase we had almost a half hour after we got down to talk and catch up. He told me all about things he's been up to problems he had stuff like that and I did the same. See it's really great talking to Benny cuase when you talk to him it's like you are the most important person at that time, it's like he really cares alot about what you are telling him, it's so nice. Then at the end of today he came up to me and hugged me bye and told me he'd miss me, it was sad cuase i really didn't want him to go. I hope he can come back more often, and I wish he would move back here. He's so great. But next week is Spring break, now I love spring break and i hate spring break. I love it becuase no school obviously but then I also love it beucase I work VBS at my church, and I love it cuase I get to have fun with kids and teach them and what not and it's just fun for me. But then comes the I hate it cuase Ryan gets to go to Colorado for the entire week so I don't see him. But he has fun so it's all good. Well, I think I am going to go now. I hope all of you are having a great time with your life. See you should always love what you have becuase once it's gone or once you venture out to find something you think is better you realize that what you had is great, and maybe you didn't really need that something better that it's not exactly what you expected it to be and you end up just going back to what it was to begin with.
Love You All (never forget it)
LataZ
The Crazy Lady February 26 Can you Turn My Black Roses Red?The weekend sucks, really badly. I aboslutely hate it. But there is no up side cuase I abosuletely hate school. Thank goodness there is a game tomally night and the next night and thursday friday and saturday!!! Substate baby! And well, today I was just in a bad mood, kinda like last night when I tried to hang out with my boyfriend but couldn't but he hung out with his friend, whatever. But I was all i hate the world so i went outside with my mP3 and sat in the middle of my yard and watched the sun set. Amazingly that was the only time today I felt good and content with everything and actually somewhat happy. It was a good feeling and now i'm back to feeling really crappy! Ya know whats funny. I wrote a really really long blog last night on here that was just really oh my but i deleted it so you guys wouldn't have to deal with it, it was pretty bad, and kinda bashed everythign in life. Well, there is nothin more to say. I'm gonna go finish watching charmed.
Meg
PS- here's a quote for you that i heard on Moulin Rouge today that I had never heard before in the extras...."my heart aches for you every hour of every day but only when i'm with you does the pain go away" I really liked it, but then again i'm a sucker for the romantic stuff. LataZ. February 23 How Do You Like Me NowOh Man! Ok it feels like I haven't been to school in forever, but actually I was just there this morning, but only for one class...Chemisty...which is not going so well..at all. But yesterday was league band..we hosted it...Tri-M was freakin running around putting everything together at the last minute...but it was a success...our band totally got a 1 rating which totally roks freakin socks! And my trio got a 2 bleh...which is totally weird becuase the judge was complimenting us the entire time she was talkin to us...it was weird...oh well, regionals we'll kick booty!!! But today I had an appointment in topeka so i got out of school and hung out with my mom and sis all day. We went shopping...for prom dresses...ya I was extatic! Well, Sam and Derek were at the mall when we were so they helped me pick it out too, but my prom dress is brown and blue, and kinda 70's ish with a nowadays twist, whatever you'd totally ahve to see it. But I also got jewlery to match it so basically all I need is shoes....ahhh shoes...i LOVE shoes...especially high heels. It's kinda funny cuase my date (yes I have a date) will be shorter than me in my shoes, he he he! i'm so excited and it's like 2 months away! Oh well, it was a good day. Oh Ya, I finally got to see Ryan today for the first time in like 5 freakin days....ya I missed him...he got a haircut, and shaved, he looked weird...not a bad weird, but a different weird...you know....and i won't see him tomally becuase I leave at 6 freakin 30 in the morning for state Tri-M, but I'm hoping we can hang out this weekend! Ok now i'm just going on and on about nothing so I think its time to sign off now.
LataZ
Margot February 18 Forget My NameWell, I guees I should tell you that I wrote a really long blog this morning, posted it and everything, but then I decided against keeping it up. It said too much. See I like to keep certain things a mystery and certain things a secret. It keeps things more interesting. And it makes certain that people don' tknow my weaknesses. Which if you are wondering I have none. Trust me. Well, this week was freakin busy. Monday was mine and Ryan's anniversary but he had been fighting with his family so ya. Tuesday was V-day. I loved everything i got and it was I guess a pretty ok day. We also had a game which of course we won. Wednesday night my tri performed at this little variety show thingy that had a bunch of people performing. I guess we did good, but in actuallity i didn't think it was the best. But loads of other people did freakin awsome! Thursday I think that was actually the only day when nothing went on. Friday was a game night. We won! And we performed Talkin Trash at half time. Oh man, Seriously I thought I was gonna throw up I was so nervous. We got out there and after the first 8 measures or so I calmed down enough to freakin half some fun showin everybody that we kick booty!! Which we did it was freakin AWSOME!! MAN!!! Oh ya it took me like an hour afterward to calm down enough to relax. It was so great though. Today was boring as heck. It's a saturday and saturdays always suck unless I hang with somebody but i had nobody so I was bored out of my mind Like you have no Idea how bored. Although I did watch this really weird movie but it was good, kinda hard to follow, but i liked it.The Daytona 500 is on tomally and so starts the next season of NASCAR! It's craziness. I'm excited for next thursday because I get out of school and I'm gonna go prom dress shopping after my appointment. It's gonna be fun. Ya. Substate is coming up and Osage is gonna freakin kick booty!!! You know it!! Well, i'm gonna go now. LataZ.
The Crazy Lady February 12 ...Inside you're ugly, Ugly Like me.....Well, i was told that I'm really slackin off on my blog writings so i thought I would write for all of you lovely people out there who actually do read this. The only problem is there is nothing going on, erego nothing to write about. See my delima. I suppose that I could say how today I just really wanted to be alone, not really alone, but not around people, certain people anyway. I don't know if you understood that but thats really how I felt. And I hate being at school but I hate the weekend too. There seriously has got to be a middle ground here. I just wish I could find it. Oh well that's seriously all there is to say so I'll leave you with some lines out of this book I'm reading called "A Fast and Brutal Wing" Oh there is something important I can say. Tomorrow is mine and Ryan's one month anniversary :)
OK heres the quotes.
"See, family has a way of holding you down, even when you want to fly away. Sometimes I think I can feel the sky pulling me, urging me upward. As if I could really fly. That's crazy, I know. Niki stuff. But it's a common enough wish, isn't it, to want to fly?"
"I mean, I saw how he acted around Niki. Like she was the sun in his day, the moon in his night. Me, I was a big dissappointment."
"see the sky is like infinity or something, an endless becoming. Nothing yet shaped, or rather, nothing yet finished or completed. Everything still a possibility. Birds are lucky, really. The sky is theirs. They get to be right in it."
"What do I like to do? What I've already said, be by myself walking in the woods, looking up through the trees at the sky."
"I want to leave, really. Go off on my own."
"Listen, she keeps a hard edge, so no one will know how soft she is inside, but I know. So don't get all psyched out by her. She's like a little kid, really, the way she still believes in magic. And this is her favorite fantasy of all."
"as if theres this whole other world just waiting, if only we'd open ourselves up."
"I feel terrible that Niki is upset. Why won't you let me call her? Despite our differences, we've always had a connection."
"He's like a bird that keeps flying into glass windows."
"I don't know how she knows so much about me, but she does. She's learned all my weaknesses."
"I've been changing somehow. Ever since- well, I don't know. A year ago, two years? I guess I've just become more of who I am."
"Without Emmit, she was nothing, she had no companion in the world, no one to love."
"We often show ourselves best when we wear a mask, whether real or imagined."
"Truth is nothing but a lie manipulated into art."
"She always thinks there's something better than real life going on - she just has to find it."
Thats all, I know it's just a bunch of quotes but as I said nothing has happened to write about. Love you All
Meg February 08 Far AwaySometimes he makes me think more about life and death and being who I am with things than anybody has ever made me think about those things before. And he always listens to what I say and accepts it for what it is. He doesn't try to change the way I think or he doesn't try to analyze it. He just lets it be. Just lets me be. It's funny because you'd never think he would be the one to make everything ok and to make me think better, but he is. He's different than other people in that sort of way. He understands everything I say and even better......everything i don't say. There's so much more to him than most see. He's like that River you think you can cross over, no problem, but halfway across you realize it's too deep and it sweeps you away. I don't know if that makes alot of sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. If you don't understand than you've never met a person like him and you're missing out. Becuause it's nice to be swept away. And to be accepted just exactly the way you are. It's nice to find that person you can't live without, the person you know, no matter what, you will be friends forever. Actually. Not like what you say in elementary school to everybody in your class, but actually being friends forever. it's perfect finding him. And I suppose I'm one of those lucky people. I hope you are too. I hope you find one exactly like him that will be your best friends always and forever. Becuase everybody deserves that no matter what they've done. February 03 Savin' MeHey All. Today was an ok day. Actually the best part was lunch...yet again...but Ryan has been sick for a few days now..and he felt really bad today so he stayed home for the last half of the day. :( This weekend I have Youth For Music which is an Honor Band that I have gone to for the past two years. It's not like super fun but I love playing music so it's not half bad. Plus I'm first part this year which totally kicks butt! And I also have it on Sunday too, thats when the concert is. Then I'm suppose to go to Ryans and whatch the super bowl...my secret....I hate football, but thats really beside the point. Thats actually like all I have to say. So I'm gonna leave you with a quote.
"The question isn't where you are going, it's whose coming with you"
I'm Gone.
Megot January 31 ....Another Bad Day..........And all I wanna do Is look at you and know it's ok.....
That is the song for today. I don't know why but my day was ok until I got home and I have no idea but i just felt like crap. I was thinking..yet again..I seem to be doing that alot lately, but I dunno...I just realized that some things will never be clear and some things you are never suppose to know or understand. I think I've discovered that I'm one of those people who find something great in life and when things are going extremely well I try to find something wrong, something to make it all go away so that when it does it won't hurt so bad. Because in a way I always think it will. Some things I just can't figure out. And I really want to becuase I don't wanna feel the way I feel about them but I just can't figure it out and I get frustrated and then I get mad at myself becuase I got frustrated and then it all goes downhill from there. I always want all the answers and I put too much pressure on myself to do things right and to always make everybody happy. I know I should really do things for me but I usually just do the things that will make everybody else happy and do the things they want and think the way they would want me to and never question anything out loud and then everythign gets stuck in my head and nobody ever knows anything about me becuase I never tell them so when I leave or they leave I guess it won't hurt so bad. I think most of the things I do is so that I won't get hurt. And I just don't know why. I don't know anything much actually. It's a funny concept when you think about it. Or not so funny. Becuase everybody thinks I know quite a bit of stuff, they think i'm smart, and I'm good at like everything I try to do, but I'm not. Not really. I think that I should go now.
Meg January 29 I Wanna Be Bad...WWWOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!! Dang Dang Dang!!!! Something Corporate (the band) has a whole new meaning to me now...YA!! But I had like a freakin awsome weekend! I hung out with Ryan after school friday and then we went to the game where our girls STOMPED them and the guys only won by one! Then we went to the dance and got our groove on! Yeh! That was fun. I got Ryan to dance, he wasnt as bad as he thinks he is. Then we said our good-byes ;) then Saturday I went with the Donigan's to Texas Roadhouse to celebrate Erin's b-day. It was fun. Ya! And then Ryan to me home for a lil over and hour.......;).......and it was just a freakin awsome weekend!!!! I hope ya'll had as good a weekend as I have!! YaY!! This song today is courtesy of Willa Ford and it has ben going through my head all day!! Well, I'm gonna go. LataZ
Love Ya
Rock On
 January 26 Yesterday's FeelingsWOW! i just realized that that last blog was really hard to read. Those colors just did not work well together like that. Well, today was kind of a sucky day. There is just waaaay too much drama and talk about everybody that it just all sucks big monkey balls. I'm so ready for college, although I have no idea what i'm gonna do when I get there. I'm rereading the Perks of Being a Wallflower and it makes me think. Which in a way is a good thing and in a way is a bad thing. Becuase sometimes when I think I think too fast or I think about things that aren't true or would never happen but thats all i can think about and it just makes it hard to be happy. I mean don't get me wrong I love being happy but, sometimes its just easier to think of what might be going on when i'm not there, or about the things i could never know. I guess in a way its a good thing that i think so much about things that aren't true becuase it means I have a good imagination and could some day make it as a writer, but sometimes it's hard to sort my real thoughts for the imaginary ones. It's like a TV in my head that keeps changing channels and won't turn off so I can live in reality. Although sometimes I think reality is so overrated. Sometimes I'd just rather pretend that I'm someone else and somewhere else if only for a moment. And in that moment I'm whatever my heart desires. Be it good or bad. Happy or Sad. And in a way thats just better. I suppose its time to take another reality check and tell you all that tomally is a game night and also is Queen of Quarts...and I'm gonna hang out with Ryan and we're gonna watch a movie that makes him cry and everythings gonna be great no matter waht happens becuase he's there. Whoa I just went all sentimental on you guys. I think I'm really tired. So I think I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm Gone.
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